My Decision

"So, what's your answer?"

During dinner Thursday, "Troy" had expressed his desire to be in a committed relationship with me. I was surprised, flattered, speechless.

Really? I asked.

"Yes," he said, emphatically.

Well, why do you like me? I asked, successfully avoiding his question.

Troy told me that he was initially attracted to me because of my Southern upbringing. He liked Southern women, he said, because they had good morals, could cook and had strong family values.

Hmmm, I was sort of put off by this. I didn't want anyone to like me because of where I was from. There are good and bad people everywhere. There are definitely some trifling folks in Mississippi - believe me I know.

Well, let me think about it.

So on Saturday he asked me again.

"Well, have you thought about it?" he asked.

Well, what do you want? I asked.

"Man, you're just like a dude," he said, "always avoiding the question."

But he answered anyway: "I want you to be my girl, my girlfriend. I want us to date exclusively. I want to be in a relationship."

whoa.

I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. I wanted to date - different people - until I found "the one." And I didn't feel that I had found "the one" yet.

Troy made it clear that he didn't want to date other people, that he wanted to date me only (hadn't I heard that before — from someone that was practically engaged): "I'm 36," he said, "those days are over for me. I want to settle down."

But isn't this what I wanted too? All summer I wanted a boyfriend. I longed for a male companion to do things with and share my life: dinner, movies, etc.

So why was I so hesitant?

Well, why don't we just continue to date without putting a label on it, I suggested.

Troy was upset: "Lottie, no. When we go out, I want to introduce you as my girlfriend. What are you afraid of? he asked. "Why don't you want to commit?"

I guess deep down I felt that if I spent all my time with Troy, I would miss out on meeting "the one," my soul mate. I really just wanted to date.

But Troy wasn't having it. He wanted to make things official.

"If you can't be my girlfriend, then I don't want to continue to do the dating thing. I think you're just looking for a buddy," he said.

An ultimatum? I hated ultimatums.

Well, let's just hang out sometime, I said (thinking about the incident that had transpired the evening before, in which he demanded boyfriend "privileges" and had been pulled over for speeding after a night of drinking).

He was silent. "Is that what you want?" he asked softly.

Yeah, I said.

"Okay," he said, sounding visibly hurt.

There was silence on the other end. I had made my decision.

"Well, do you want to 'hang out' at The Park on Thursday," he finally asked.

I can't. I have to teach a Jazzercise class.


Tell me:
What are your thoughts?