The Law of Attraction

Over the past year, I've been sharing my dating stories on this blog. As you know, I haven't met the "one" yet. In fact, I haven't met anyone I would even consider "dateable."

Have you heard the phrase: "You attract who you are"?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I'm crazy.

Yep.

How else could I explain the type of men I've been meeting?

After this latest episode, I had to take a hard look at myself: Why am I not attracting the kind of man I want? I had to ask myself: What is it about me that keeps attracting crazies — clingy men who are overly aggressive? These are not the kind of men I pray for or want, so why do they always come into my life? What am I doing wrong?

Is it the way I dress? Maybe it's my attitude or demeanor. Maybe I'm giving off a certain vibe — desperate and needy. Maybe I'm in some way projecting my own insecurities.

I don't know.

But it's something about me that's attracting a certain type of man. It's also something about me that is NOT attracting the kind of man I want to share my life with.

Remember the blog post I wrote several weeks ago titled, Maybe It's Me.
Well, maybe it is me.

I mean, I consider myself a sane, responsible, pretty straight up person. But maybe I'm delusional.

What are your thoughts?
Do you believe in the Law of Attraction?

The Latest Episode

This weekend, I had a friend in town from my home state. We attended college together and were sorority sisters.

Friday was her birthday and she wanted to celebrate, go dancing. So we went to a local club.

While there, we met a guy who said he had gone to Jackson State (my alma mater), but dropped out after 2 years and went into the military. He's been living in the Washington, D.C., area for about 6 years now, he told us. He works for the federal government, the VA I think.

Anyway, my friend said, Lottie lives here. You guys should exchange numbers. So we did and he suggested we hang out some time.

Cool, I said.

Well, he left the club around 12:30. We left around 1 a.m. I received a text from him shortly after we left, asking if I would like to go to a movie on Saturday.

Sure, I replied.

The next morning, I received a text from him about the movie: Inception starts at 1:20 pm, Gallery Place.

I'll meet you there, I replied.

While parking, I received a text from him: Where r u?

Just parked, I replied. I'm on my way up.

He already had the tickets and was waiting for me at the concession stand. We found some seats in the theater and he asked if I wanted anything.

No, I'm okay, I said. But thank you.

We talked a little before the movie. This was his second movie of the day, he had seen Salt before meeting up with me. He was from Tuscaloosa, Ala., and had a 9-year-old little girl who lived in Tennessee with her mother.

The movie was good and he asked what I was doing afterwards. He wanted to visit an art museum nearby. (by the way, I am impressed with guys who like museum exhibits.)

I need to run a few errands, I said.

Can we get a drink tonite? he asked.

Well, I teach Jazzercise on Sunday mornings and need to learn some new routines tonite for my class tomorrow, I explained.

"Can we get a drink after your training?" he persisted.

I laughed. No, I think I'll call it a day. Maybe next time.

We go our separate ways and five minutes later I get a call from him:
"I just wanted you to know that I really enjoyed hanging out with you at the movie," he said.

Thanks.

"I can't convince you to get a drink this evening?" he asked, for the third time. "It'll only be 30 minutes."

First of all, it won't be only 30 minutes. But we can hang out again, I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "You're not blowing me off are you? Are you going to call me tonite when you finish your training?"

Okay. By now, I was getting a little agitated. Persistence is one thing, but this was something else.

At 7 a.m. this morning, I received a text from him: HOW WAS YOUR TRAINING?

Now, I thought it was a little over the top that this guy text me at 7 a.m. But my sister thought nothing of it, that it was okay.

She said, maybe he was thinking about you and just wanted to know how your training went. You did tell him that the reason you couldn't go out was because you had to learn some new routines.

What do you think?
Do you think he's being a little aggressive?

A Man With a Truck

Yep. That's what I want: I man with a truck.

While contemplating buying a futon today, I came across a big dilemma — delivery fees !

Both of the futons I considered buying only cost $99 - but the delivery fee at one store was $60 (it would get to me in a week) and the fee at the other store was $99 (for same day or next day service). One store even offered assembly services, for a fee of course.

But if I had a man with a truck...

I mean, if I had a man with a truck, I wouldn't have to worry about delivery fees or setting up the doggone thing myself. He would just...handle it.

Now, before you think, "Lottie has lost her damn mind," I want you to consider a man with a truck. To me, a man with a truck — and not just some little, pretty luxury SUV but a good heavy pickup vehicle — represents someone who is down to earth; someone who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty and help someone else. To me, a man with a truck represents a hard worker — you know, someone who can do some heavylifting (lol !!!)

Let me stop. I'm being bad.

But seriously, real men own trucks. My dad has a truck. He hauls all things big and small in his truck — wood for the fireplace, furniture, all my sister's junk. He gets on the highway and takes care of business. How many of these little city boys you know have a truck?

So, that's what I want, a real man — a man with a truck.

What are your thoughts?


photo by myoldpostcards.

Karma?

Tiger isn't doing well in golf right now. He's performing poorly, ranking 23rd in the last competition. Has he lost his mojo?

What do you think is going on with him?

Maybe It's Me

Yall know I don't have cable right now right?
My bootleg cable guy doesn't return from South Carolina until later on this month. But that's okay. It just means I'll be writing a little bit more and giving more attention to other things — like freelancing and my Giving Circle.

Anyway, I had to go to a meeting in downtown D.C. earlier this week. When I got on the elevator, a man – older Black gentleman, probably late 40s, early 50s – gave me a compliment.

"I like your dress," he said.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Where did you get it from?" he asked.

I looked at him puzzled before answering, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe T.J. Maxx or Marshall's or something like that."

"Yeah," he said excitedly. "T.J. Maxx, A.J. Wright, all of that. You my kinda woman," he shouted before getting off the elevator.

LOL.

On another note, yesterday morning I was talking to a guy who has shown interest in me for quite a while. He said something that really made me think:

"You always criticize me," he said. "You don't want me to call you at 2 am in the morning. You don't want me to stay at your house. You told me I can't go to strip clubs. I can't do anything right."

hmm. I had never thought about that before.

Maybe I'm not in a relationship because I'm hard to get along with. I mean, I never thought of myself as hard to get along with. But maybe I should just stop, take a look inside and think about how I'm treating the men who are interested in me. Maybe I'm running them away. I never thought of myself as the stereotype: Black Woman with a Bad Attitude.

But maybe I need to think again.

Maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me.

What are your thoughts?

The Roundup

What a week ! Breakups, tears, rants and ah, yes - a wedding.
Let's get to it:

King James: Are we happy that Lebron James is "free"? In an open letter, Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert expressed his hurt and disappointment in the NBA All-star's decision to sign with the Miami Heat. He felt betrayed and described James as narcissistic, selfish and a coward. Then Rev. Jesse Jackson decided to weigh in on the matter, saying Gilbert was treating James like a "runaway slave." In a statement, Jackson said Gilbert "speaks as an owner of LeBron and not the owner of the Cleveland Cavaliers."

Poor Little Rich Girl: As you may know, a judge sentenced Lindsay Lohan to 90 days in jail and 90 days in rehab upon release for violating the terms of her probation stemming from a 2007 drug case. Lohan tearfully pleaded with the judge explaining that she didn't miss her weekly alcohol education classes on purpose, but she was working - with children. I'm sorry that's funny to me. Was she talking about the kids at the MTV party where her alcohol monitoring bracelet went off? The whole scene of her breaking down reminded me of the Paris Hilton incident when she was ordered to jail. She also lost it in court. What's up with these chics? Do they think they're above the law because they have money and fame? Do they think they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions because they are celebrities? Do they know that they're actually getting pretty light sentences compared with "normal" people who break the law? What has surprised me though is that even legal experts think the sentence was too harsh. Really? hmmm.

Mad Max: Has Mel Gibson gone mad? Seriously. The actor, whose known for the Lethal Weapon movies, Passion of the Christ and Braveheart, which he garnered an Oscar for Best Director, is accused of going on (another) racist rant (Remember his anti-Semitic tirade in 2006 after his arrest for drunk driving?). This time Gibson, who is in a child custody battle with his former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, is heard on her answering machine saying not nice things. In a RadarOnline exclusive, you can hear Gibson, 56, tell 40-year-old Grigorieva that she looks like a pig and hopes that a pack of n*_ _ers rape her, among other things. Geez. Come on Mel. As a result of the allegations, the actor's talent agency, William Morris Endeavor, dropped him as a client. Is this the end of the star's career? What do you think of Gibson's latest actions?

LaLa Land: Now for some good news. Former MTV host LaLa Vazquez, 30, and NBA star Carmelo Anthony, 26, of the Denver Nuggets finally tied the knot this weekend after a nearly 6-year engagement. The couple, who were engaged in 2004, had a star-studded wedding. Guests included singer Ciara, socialite Kim Kardashian, director Spike Lee and Serena Williams (fresh from her Wimbledon win). The couple's 3-year-old son walked them down the aisle (ahhh). What do you think of long engagements? I guess when you're young time doesn't matter that much.






So what do you guys think?
What are you thoughts on the LeBron situation, the Lohan jail case, the Mel Gibson rant or long engagements?

holla

Photos by:
Lebron James photo by Keith Allison.
Lindsay Lohan photo by Marca Pasos.
Mel Gibson photo by KJD.
Carmelo Anthony photo by Vote Prime .
Lala Vazquez photos by chicagofabulous.

Do Black Churches Keep Black Women Single? Part I

So, I'm driving to work one day and hear a conversation on the gospel station 104.1, about a recent article written by Deborrah Cooper. According to the radio announcer, Ms. Cooper believes the Black church is the reason Black women are single. Really? Hmmm.

So of course, when I get to work I have to find this article for myself. Indeed, Ms. Cooper did write a piece expressing her views on how the Black church keeps Black women single. Her thoughts are, shall I say, interesting?

Here is an excerpt of the first paragraph:

"Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced. It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

"Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women."

whoa.

The entire article is about 4 pages long. Cooper quotes statistics from a Pew Study and says that there are 4 types of men in a Black church: a loser in a 12-step program, gay men, players and reformed players.

According to her website, Cooper is a dating columnist for AskHeartBeat.com and the Examiner.com. She also hosts a relationship talk show on blogradio called, "Date Smarter Not Harder" and wrote a modern guide to dating called, "Sucka Free Love: How to Avoid Dating the Dumb, the Deceitful, the Dastardly, the Dysfunctional and the Deranged."

Okay.

In her article, Cooper asks: "Why do Black women run to church in droves and willingly put themselves in the position to be dictated to, harshly judged and instructed like a child on how to live their lives by some man that is not their father and to whom they are not married?"

She goes on to suggest that: "Black women are socialized to be submissive to men, and are thoroughly trained to do so with Biblical scriptures."

Cooper concludes that: "If a woman is looking for a husband, odds are poor that she will find such a man in a Black church."

Interesting.

I encourage you to read the entire piece and check out the comments too. They are quite, shall I say, thought-provoking? I will write about the last part of the article tomorrow, which I think has a few nuggets of truth.

But I have to say, I don't go to church to find a man or to find a husband. I attend church to worship, learn, hear an inspiring word and pray. However, it's interesting that the few women I know who've gotten married within the past 5 years have all been members of my church — but none of them met their husband there.


What are your thoughts on Ms. Cooper's beliefs?
Do you believe the Black church keeps Black women single?

(photo by curlie_fryz).

Just Us Two

This weekend I finally saw Sex & The City 2. It was, well, let's just say - interesting. But there's one scene that I remember in particular.

At the beginning of the movie, Carrie and Big meet another married couple. They talk about their parallel lives. The other wife beams and announces that she is pregnant. When the couple learn that Carrie and Big don't plan to have children, they look at them like something's wrong, almost with disgust - like they're aliens or something !

It made me think of a question my girlfriend posed last week:
Why get married if you don't want children?

So I ask:
Is the sole purpose of marriage to have children?
What's wrong with not wanting children? What's wrong with just wanting to be married? What's wrong with "just us two"?

What are your thoughts?