As you guys know, I was involved in a little "situation" last week while studying for my comprehensive exams.
I have cancelled my online dating site subscriptions.
It's been quite an experience to say the least.
Let's see. In the three months I had an online account:
I met an Indian guy who assaulted me; had dinner with a really nice guy who never called back; had long daily conversations with a man from Chicago; talked to a 46-year-old White guy with two grown children; and unknowingly went out with a man who was nearly engaged.
It's the most I've dated in a couple of years. It was good to get out and meet, just talk to different people from all walks of life. These are people I would have never met in my every day routine.
The other day, I was talking to one of my guy friends who also happens to be a pastor. He told me I should never have been on a dating web site in the first place — not if I was looking for a husband.
Huh?
He said, women are not suppose to go "looking for a husband. A man is suppose to find you." As a Christian, he told me, I was suppose to trust God and that HE will find me a suitable mate.
"Do you trust God?" he asked.
I argued that I was being proactive because my life had boiled down to work, school and Jazzercise. I needed to at least get out of the house and meet people. You know the whole, "faith without works is dead," thing. I told him I was not going to find my husband stuck in the house.
"There you go again," he said. "You're not suppose to FIND your husband. God is."
What do you guys think of this?
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10 comments:
Very 1954.
A pastor at a church I attended said once that Jesus won't hold you at night when you need some loving.
Who the hell knows what works? Some people meet, they click and they get married. Was that God at work?
I think it's a mistake to stop using the dating Web sites, but you know what's best for you.
I agree you won't find your husband sitting in your house, but since when do you sit in your house? You're active in your church. You're active in your community (you're about to do that walk for cancer event). Your job is the kind of job that forces you to meet and interview all kinds of people. But if you feel you're not meeting the right caliber of man in your daily routine, switch it up! There's all kinds of events in DC, especially with summer coming up. There's the free jazz concert series in the sculpture garden (I believe it starts in May or June and lasts all summer; once a week). My friend met his wife there. There are movies on the green in June and July, Monday evenings, free. And similar movie series around the dc metropolitan area. I've even met guys at the coffee shop and Busboys and Poets, had my laptop, was diligently working and struck up conversation with someone also there, working.
I don't think I agree with your minister friend that you're supposed to sit by and passively wait. but who's to say God didn't send the guy at the next table at some wine tasting event (got one of those coming up in dc in May)? I DO agree that if you're out doing things you love, you'll meet other people who also love that thing. And what better way to find out what you have in common?
Lottie, I have to say that I have been struggling with the same issue. I have come to the conclusion that I trust God for everything else in my life, so why not trust Him to lead me to the best mate for me. Honestly, I have tried it my way and the worldly way too, and that hasn't worked. Spiritual people I have spoken with have said the same things, you don't "find" a mate. I truly believe that our paths will cross and it will be EASY!! Love and connection with another is NOT supposed to be hard. I think that if two people meet and they click and all things kind of happen to line up for them, then God did have something to do with that. Those two people were probably brought together for a particular reason. Trying to make things work with someone who is not right for you, only leads to problems. Call me a hopeless romantic but I really do believe the right person will come and you won't have to search for them. That's just where I am on this journey.
Who is to say the dating services aren't part of God's plan? I met my husband through an ad and we both knew it was love at first sight. But we'd never have seen each other if I hadn't reached outside my usual comfort zone.
Hmmm...
Are we also not supposed to look for a job online because God will bring us whatever job we need?
And if we're looking to buy a house, we should never peruse the for sale listings online because we should trust that God will somehow cause the perfect house at the perfect price to land in our lap?
I say God helps those that help themselves. Maybe you'll find love online. Maybe you won't. But it doesn't hurt to expand your social circle and get out to meet new people.
And it's like Brenda said -- how do you know God's plan isn't for you to meet someone online?
I have a question for your friend: Does he think all marriages/relationships that happen to be formed via an online site aren't blessed by God in the same way other marriages/relationships are?
What you need to ask yourself is do you believe in the Word of God? If so, then the Word says that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing. The Word also says that God will give you the desires of your heart. My pastor said a few weeks ago, that God will put your mate in your path. And according to your commenters, your path is pretty vast. You can switch things up for a change of scenery, but you should not be changing up things for a new hunting ground. You should not be doing the hunting. Always, always, go back to the Word. The Word and prayer. God made you and he knows what he has planned for you. Ask him, cause man/woman does not have a clue what God has for you.
I normally lurk here but I felt the need to speak up today.
I don't agree with your minister. The only thing that will get delivered to your house are packages from UPS, FedEx or Amazon. God is not going to deliver your husband there (unless he works for UPS or FedEx..LOL!) I understand that you get discouraged online dating, as did I, but you can't give up. You have to use all of the tools available in your arsenal to meet new people and online dating is one of them. I'm not saying stalk a dude but you can't with
I met my husband, on FaceBook of all places. We started posting on the same message boards and it went from there. I would also like to add that we will both be 37 when we get married in September 2010. We met last June. It can happen and it can happen fast. Don't doubt God (cause I did for a long time). When I totally gave it up to Him, He made it happen.
I am becoming more and more of a believer of this as well. Biblically, the man is supposed to FIND the woman and we are supposed to CHOOSE from amongst those interested in us....not the other way around.
When I listen to the testimonies of the couples at church, it pretty much always goes that way — he sought her out. She may have resisted but eventually gave in. They live happily ever after!
We do need to TRUST GOD. But at the same time, I don't think God is going to send him to our doorsteps either. So we have to go out and make ourselves available, noticeable so we can be "found." My pastor says that singles should pursue God's work and in the midst, we will find our mates. I truly believe that.
So, I think the online thing can go either way. But I am convinced that my husband is somewhere at my church and he just hasn't "found" me yet!
I don't entirely agree with the pastor 's thoughts. I do think the man has to find the woman too. My cousin met his wife through a dating service. Did he make the moves? Sure! But if she hadn't joined the dating service, he never would have met her. The same goes for online dating. It's a way to meet people you never would have met previously. We have to be available and be open-minded to dating different people but should always follow our gut instincts. Also, remember you get what you pay for.
At the same time, I'm cutting down on my volunteer activities. I think as women (even single ones) we do things because we like to help. There's nothing wrong with it, but we fill our evenings and find ourselves exhausted when we try to do everything.I still go to networking events but I'm watching how many committees I'm saying 'yes' to. My primary focus is about building relationships right now, family, friends and new friends. :-)
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