I was going to write about the comments of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich today. I was even thinking about posting something on the new VH1 show, "Let's Talk About Pep," featuring four prominent single African American women in their quest for love.
But an article by Tanya Ballard Brown, digital news editor at NPR, prompted me to change my mind.
In the midst of all the attention on the lack of marriage prospects for successful single Black women, Brown asks the question that few are asking: Why aren't Black men marrying Black women? But more importantly she wants to hear from BLACK MEN.
We've seen show after show after show feature beautiful Black women who long for love and express their desire for a mate. Yet, few of these shows have featured Black Men to talk about why they aren't settling down or marrying successful Black women.
In her article, Marriage: Black Brothers, Wherefore Art Thou? , Ballard Brown asks a series of questions:
"What do black men say about why they aren't marrying black women?
Is it because they've heard over and over again the statistic that there are more single black women than men? Do they figure, why settle down when they can keep shopping right up until the last minute?
Are they afraid of commitment?
Are they putting off marriage until they have their careers and finances in order?
Do they feel they just can't compete with the black women they are most attracted to?
Is it because marriage hasn't been presented to them as something that will benefit them?
Have they decided not to limit themselves to one race?
Or is it something else altogether?"
Of course we all have our own assumptions and theories about why Black men aren't settling down or marrying beautiful successful (caring, loving) Black women. But Brown asks the men directly. Read their comments after the article. They are insightful.
What are your thoughts?
(By the way, there's a part II to this blog so I could relay my own experience.)
5 comments:
I think black men ARE marrying black women. It's just not the type of black men most professional black women are looking for. I think majority of the professional black women limit their idea of the perfect mate and it always seems to include a black man who is fine, has money, a professional job (with 6 figures, or more) or just a professional job, no kids, etc. The reality of that is those men are choosing other races and with what's left, who might want a black woman, there are not enough of them to go around for all the single professional black women out there... And marrying a regular guy is out of the question.
But think about this. Have you noticed that most regular black guys either, have been married, are currently married, or are getting married - to regular black women. They're marrying black women who do not think so highly of who they are and what they do that they "CAN'T SETTLE" for a man who just has a job and contributes love to the family.
I love how a bunch of women still responded.
We do want to hear from men about marriage. All women pose are questions. I am tired of questions and assumptions.
I much rather focus on other issues/concerns.
Write about Harry Reid? Write about the bad boys of sports?
okay, so how sick of this topic am i???
I'm sick of this topic too. I'm just going to stop worrying about it, release it to God and get on with my life. I have no more mental or emotional energy to spend on the topic.
Personally, I think this is an important topic on the minds of many Black women. Why don't Black men want to marry us? I would like to hear the reasons from the mouths of Black men, not other Black women, not some study or assumptions. Why not hear what they have to say?
There are too many times when we do all the talking and none of the listening.
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