Last week, I met a documentary filmmaker at a local conference on the state of the news industry.
She was working on a documentary about childless women and how society viewed them. Her documentary is based on a Washington Post article she wrote in 2006.
The filmmaker shared with me that no matter where she was in the world - Brazil or Africa, the United States or Italy - women who don't have children are somehow viewed as less than: less than a woman, not as important.
Her report found that the proportion of childless women in the U.S. is 44.6 percent, up from 35.6 percent 30 years ago. Nearly half the women who make $100,000 or more are childless.
As I travel to Mississippi this week for Easter, I will be reminded of my status as a childless woman. Since my sister had twins in November, the pressure is overwhelming. My father will approach me again: Do you think you will ever get married or have children? My grandmother will ask: When are you going to have a baby?
Some women are childless by choice. But I believe a large percentage of professional women without kids are childless by chance: they never married or found the right mate to bring a child in this world.
Some time ago, a guy I was dating asked when was I going to have children. He jokingly told me I better hurry up before it was too late. Though he didn't have children either, he pointed out that, unlike me, he could have children at any age.
Do you think society view women who don't have children as "less than"?
What about your personal thoughts? Do you think of yourself as "less than a woman" because you aren't a mother?
4 comments:
I know exactly what you are talking about Lottie. Before I had my daughter at age 35, I was totally feeling the pressure--not really from my family, but from society and several friends/acquaintances. Now that I have her I feel unbelievably blessed to have her in my life, but still unmarried - and often getting pressure about that. I've learned to do things in my own time, if at all. I do feel like women who are over a certain age are viewed as less than if they don't have children. And strangely enough when I meet a man over the age of 35 who has not had children, I find that curious as well...much more so than if they are unmarried...I wonder if its my upbringing that expects women to be married with children by 30, 35 at the latest and my life experience that leads me to expect men to have at least one or two children by age 35 even if they have not been married.
i don't personally think of myself as less than, but, yes, society DOES view me as such because i don't have children. and i AM childless by chance, not choice. but society thinks if you don't have children, you CHOSE not to have children. and there have been a couple of guys i've dated who have since married other women who said the reason they didn't pick me is because i'd gotten too old to give them a child. it's maddening and frustrating. but God has other plans for me.
I do think women are choosing to be childless, just not in the conventional way. The new breed of women that exist today put themselves first and are not willing to settle for a mate just so that they can go half on a baby. The cost they pay for this could be motherhood. For some that is fine. No one should feel less because they do not have children. On the other hand, women who do want children and who are not open to adoption and seek some nuclear family should considering compromising and hopefully they will find a man they are willing to work for the sake of becoming a mother.
I don't feel the pressure that much from family. They know I'm not married so they see that as the reason I don't have kids. It would probably be worse if I were married and didn't have kids. They would be bugging us! LOL! For some reason, I think society views women who have not been married as less than over women who have never had kids. If if you are divorced, you have one up on the woman who has never been married because you have taken that walk down the aisle.
I've heard the remarks from guys who ask me what am I waiting on in order to have kids. Especially when they find out I'm close to 40. It makes me very angry that men are never questioned about their childless/non-married statuses.
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