I met a guy this weekend. Superbowl Sunday. He was attractive. We sat next to each other and talked throughout the game about life and sports. Good conversation. He seemed nice enough. He told me that he was a computer geek who worked for the State Department. okay. He just bought a house in Mitchellville, Md. okay. He was going through a divorce. uh-oh. It would be final in May. hmmm. He had two kids, ages 11 and 8. hmmm. They were not with his wife, who he had been married to for four years. hmmm. He asked where I lived. I told him in D.C. He told me he would be coming to visit me next week. Really?
The Pittsburgh Steelers won. And the party was beginning to turn into a real partay. The chairs were moved and the music was pumping loudly from a speaker. I went to the restroom and when I returned, the cool guy I was talking to all evening was exchanging information with a young lady in the hallway. I said my goodbyes to the host and went home.
Sure, this could have been an opportunity to meet a guy if I was more aggressive. The fact is, he was "not that into me." Though we had talked for most of the evening, he did not ask for my number or email. I believe if a man is interested in you, he would find a way to contact you.
But Mr. Nice Guy, also did not meet my "Love List" qualifications. My list is simple.
I want a man who is:
1) College Educated
2) Has a professional job (or financially stable, good credit-hello?)
3) Never Married
4) No Kids
5) Owns his own home
6) Has reliable transportation
7) Has a clean record (no former felons)
Simple right? Oh, I also want someone who is honest, trustworthy, dependable, responsible, ambitious, spiritual, caring, giving, knowledgeable about social and political issues, culturally aware and a good conversationalist. He has to have a sense of humor. And it would be great to meet someone who likes comedy, music, plays, museums, traveling and dancing. I really want someone who believes in monogamy and the sacredness of marriage.
Mr. Superbowl met at least two out of my 6 qualifications (I don't know if he went to college or not). I'm sure if I had stuck around, maybe we would have exchanged information. maybe.
But I don't want to be a stepmother or a second (or third) wife. Should I waste my time with someone if they're not marriage material? Should I date just to date?
I mean, don't get me wrong. I've dated plenty of guys with kids and former wives. Nice men. And more than likely, I will date plenty more if I don't want to be home alone every weekend. But new relationships are challenging and they are even more difficult when children and ex-spouses are thrown into the mix. What if I begin to really like the guy and end up in a situation that I really don't want to be in?
As I get closer to 40, my friends remind me that it will be difficult to find a man who has never been married or who doesn't have at least one child.
But I believe that God gives you your heart's desires. My man's out there. I know it.
What are your thoughts? Am I being unrealistic? unreasonable? superficial?
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2 comments:
I used to have a list like this--nice and long and specific. I think that sometimes God doesn't give us what we ask for; she gives us what we want/need.
That's what happened to the author of "The Year of Yes"--a book that chronicles a woman's experiences the year she said yes to anyone (literally ANYone) who asked her out. It's a great book. Interesting concept, beautiful writing.
I second Tamara. And, actually, using the method that writer did is how I met my husband. I went out with everyone (who didn't look or act crazy) who asked. I never in a million years thought I would be married to someone who had been married before. Unh unh. Not me. Here we are though, happy as two clams in a shell.
But be careful what you pray for, too. I said I didn't want to be married to a man who already had kids and my husband doesn't have kids, but read a little bit on my blog and you'll see why.
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